Best Runaway Husbands: The Abandoned Wife's Guide to Recovery and Renewal By Vikki Stark
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Ebook About Based on a study of over 400 women worldwide, Runaway Husbands: The Abandoned Wife's Guide to Recovery and Renewal, is the first book to explore and offer healing strategies to women whose lives have been turned upside down by Wife Abandonment Syndrome. Wife Abandonment Syndrome is a pattern of behavior on the part of a husband who leaves his wife out-of-the-blue from what she believed was a happy marriage. Following his sudden departure, he replaces the caring he'd typically shown her with anger and aggression. He often moves directly in with a girlfriend, leaving his bewildered wife totally devastated. Written by family therapist Vikki Stark who was herself affected by Wife Abandonment Syndrome, Runaway Husbands helps women understand what motivated their loving husbands to turn into uncaring strangers and provides them with the tools they need to move forward and rebuild their lives in new and unexpected ways.Written by family therapist Vikki Stark, who herself experienced Wife Abandonment Syndrome, and chock full of stories from the women in the study, Runaway Husbands has three main goals:•Explanations – It helps women understand how a man who appeared to be a loving husband could morph overnight into an uncaring stranger•Strategies – It provides women with the tools they need to push through the suffering and move forward to rebuild their lives, often in new and unexpected ways.•Prevention – It will help women who are in happy marriages learn how to safeguard their marriages and recognize warning signs that may indicate trouble.The focus of Runaway Husbands is on helping women turn the crisis of abandonment into an opportunity for empowerment and growth. Although it describes the difficult experiences of abandoned wives in detail, it also provides tools for recovery and recounts many stories of women who fought their way to a better future.Book Runaway Husbands: The Abandoned Wife's Guide to Recovery and Renewal Review :
For over 2 years I have been looking through books and websites to find advice on living through divorce. Every single one I've found (until now) has assured me that an affair doesn't have to be the end of the relationship, if you're willing to try to forgive and work hard to get through it together. But like the other women depicted in this book, I wasn't given that choice. My fate was decided by the one person I loved, respected and trusted beyond all others. The person I had spent 2 decades with. The person I was thoroughly convinced was my best friend, closest confidant, and greatest supporter. To say I was devastated when he walked away to pursue a relationship with a woman who lives on another continent is an understatement. Every descriptive word I know is an understatement.When the person you trust most betrays you and all your future plans have evaporated into the ether, it’s shocking and painful, but it's nothing compared to the realization that your past was an illusion. The man you thought you knew better than anyone else has proven himself to be a stranger. And what I discovered, along with the vast majority of the women who participated in the study that lead to this book, is that he is a cruel and utterly uncaring stranger. He not only takes absolutely no emotional or financial responsibility for his unilateral decision to end a loving, decades-long shared relationship, but he places the blame for that ending squarely at the foot of the person who desperately wants to try to save the marriage. And you will be met with steely eyes and stinging, callous words when you attempt to call him on this bullshit. This twist of the knife, this cowardly and excruciatingly painful act by this stranger wearing a mask of your beloved’s face, turns logic and reason upside down, it turns victim into perpetrator. And the victim is left in such a surreal, utterly unrecognizable landscape, suffering such profound shock, that for a long while she is likely to believe it. The man she knows so well, who loved her so completely is simply incapable of intentionally inflicting such pain…so it must be her own damn fault.I found this book, Runaway Husbands, a few days ago and it is the only example I've found thus far that clearly shows that not all divorces are created equal. The horrific pain, the unequaled confusion, the foaming-at-the-mouth fury, the bottomless sense of shame and humiliation, the powerful shock and the profound sense of loss that comes from being utterly left out of the decision-making process, of realizing that the destruction of your marriage is a fait accompli can break you. It can quite literally drive you insane. Your happy, secure world is forever changed, and it's a cruel, cold, unreliable one, void of love and trust, that you now have to face alone.With this study, you will at least learn that thousands of other women have experienced the same thing, and that there are a whole lot of men (and a few women, too), who simply have no compunction about shattering the lives of the people who love them. You will learn that your spouse emotionally checked out long ago (he just didn’t bother to tell you or indicate to you that he was gone—or he simply lied outright about an affair or his growing disinterest in you when you questioned him after sensing that something was not right), and as such, they now find your emotional response utterly distasteful and puerile. They have moved on. Why can’t you? You will learn that, despite decades of actions and words to the contrary, they never truly loved you, and now would you kindly move aside so they can embrace their shiny, new future full of exciting, sexy possibilities? They step over you as you lay on the floor in the fetal position, sobbing in shock and disbelief; they throw a love with an amazingly strong, supportive, nurturing pedigree into the nearest trash can and they don’t look back. They are narcissistic, short-sighted, and cowardly. They care about their own future; they have no energy or interest to spend considering the past.But this book does not let you wallow in your victimhood for too long. Yes, you have been wronged, yes you have lost significant amounts of weight because the experience has rendered food tasteless and half of what you do manage to choke down makes you want to vomit, yes, it’s painful to even take the next breath and it seems impossible some days to get out of bed, and yes, you have suffered what is probably the most profound loss of your entire life. But your grief and shock is a NATURAL reaction to the whiplash-like pain you have just experienced. You are NOT going crazy, and you are NOT under any obligation to ANYONE to dry your tears and move on after some arbitrary length of time. You are NOT weak and you are NOT being lazy by staying in and licking your wounds. You are not a freak because you’re not “over it” yet. It takes time to deal with such strong emotions and such profound loss of trust, loss of happiness, loss of security, loss of future plans, loss of love. And you are NOT to blame for your partner’s devastating actions. THEY ARE. It’s going to take months, even years, but one day you will be able to start enjoying your present and planning for a better future. The advice and coping tools offered up here will help. You CAN get through it and you can even build a better life out of the rubble. You might even be able to trust someone again and open yourself up to the possibility of love. I'm not that far along myself, but this book has helped me tremendously already, and I hope that if you have been in a similarly heart-wrenching situation, you will read it and let it help you, too. This book was so integral when I was working through my (now ex) husband's affair and his leaving our marriage. It was literally from one day to the next, from I love you's and laughter and sharing dreams for our future to gone. I was rocked to my core and couldn't understand it. And unfortunately, while most people in my life were supportive and showed me so much love and help during this time, most didn't/couldn't/wouldn't comprehend. Surely I must have seen some sign or forewarning! Surely he must have been unhappy for years! Surely there had been major problems in the marriage! I get it--I used to believe the same things. But unfortunately that's not always the case when it comes to affairs, as I learned. Sometimes it has nothing to do with your marriage or you as a spouse, and is more about who they are as a person at their core.This book spoke to my experience in a way that was invaluable. Finally there was someone who understood and had gone through what I had--and not just one person, but a whole bookful of women. I was not alone. And it helped me to know the cycles of grief that I was going through, what to expect, and that there would be hope and meaning that came out of this on the other side even if I couldn't ever fathom reaching a place where it didn't hurt.If you're reading this review, it's likely that you're going through a similar experience of being suddenly abandoned or are looking at it for someone who is. Know that the pain does lessen with time, and the waves get shorter in duration and intensity. You may not be able to imagine it now, but you will feel okay and even good again. I would highly recommend getting this book, reading it, and re-reading it to help you through this dark time. 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